i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
