he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
