it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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