Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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