i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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