it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Buhtt sex?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize