Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
