You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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