is your mom at the bar?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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