He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
