im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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