Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
