I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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