God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
where are my eyebrows?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
