the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
