woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
