the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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