When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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