conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
