I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize