so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
