Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
