so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
