I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
