Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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