Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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