walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize