Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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