OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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