Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
