Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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