Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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