so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
