I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
