you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
