Buhtt sex?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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