Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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