Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
