we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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