You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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