Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize