I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
