She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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