Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
