Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
