At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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