And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
