i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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