it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
