That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
