Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
