She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
