I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
