I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
