I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
