I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize