I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
