Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I could make wine with my vomit
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
