I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
