Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
