I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
