I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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