Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
