I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
