I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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