I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
