my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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