Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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