the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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