so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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