Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
