if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
