I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
