Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
