The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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