i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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