Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
