Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
