i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
