he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize