So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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