Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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