And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
