she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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