My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
