who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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