I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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