After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
