After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
