I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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