peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
