Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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