You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm too high and old for this...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
