My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never underestimate the power of titties
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
