Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
