You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
