Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
